Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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