Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
