Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
