and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
