Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I love you. Go after that dick
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
