I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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