yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
