my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize