So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
