i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
