we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
