I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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