If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
