So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
