He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
