D3 body, D1 cock
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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