3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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