Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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