you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
