Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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