Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
