Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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