Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
it was like eating out sand paper
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
