its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
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