Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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