1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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