He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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