maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
