I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
