We won't sleep together?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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