woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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