Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
