I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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