allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
