Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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