She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
