Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
