I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
