Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
