Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
