I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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