your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
