Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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