He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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