I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
