I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
