Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
