guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
