Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
