Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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