I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize