so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
