i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
