He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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