Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
