he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize