Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
