yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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