Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize