Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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