Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
