I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
