I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
