omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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