you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
