I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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