I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
