We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
