KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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