I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
