Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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