Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
