Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize