She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
