why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
