it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
