I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
