Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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