I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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