I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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