No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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