she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
