Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
