i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
