i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
