i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
