He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
