apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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